Across The Pond: Oxford intro week.

‘allo from across the pond!

I’ve now been in England for nearly a week, and what a week it has been!

I’ll be posting to this blog at least once a week for the duration of my stay at Oxford. For those who don’t know, I am a Liberal Arts major, and as such I am required to study abroad for at least six weeks. The Michaelmas term at Oxford will be fulfilling this requirement, and the Liberal Arts program committee has requested that I post weekly updates about my experience here. I’ve been so blessed to hear from so many people that they would like to hear about my time here, and I hope that this blog is informative without being excessively academic and enjoyable without being hard to follow. This is my first time out of the country, and thus my first time documenting anything like this, so if my topics end up all over the place, please bear with me – hopefully I’ll get the hang of it soon!

My first week began with my first overseas flight! I’m so glad I don’t have to fly again for a few months; the sleepless night before my departure and the red-eye flight that I took combined to make me very sleep-deprived for the first couple days here.  After a bus ride from London to Oxford, some wandering around the middle of town, a house-key issue, and the subsequent meeting of my new neighbor, I established myself in my new home. I live with two other international students with whom I get along well, and who are just as excited to be here as I. 

The first night featured a welcome party where all the Oxford Study Abroad Program (OSAP) students were able to meet each other and familiarize ourselves with the office and the area. It was also the first time that I went shopping in a British store, which was definitely an adventure. My housemates and I learned the hard way not to get too many groceries at once, since we live a twenty-minute walk from the grocery store. While I planned to rent a bike for the term, the traffic customs are a bit intimidating (i.e., I’m afraid I’ll get run over but a bus), so I’ll be relying on my legs to transport me around town.

The following day we were given helpful and informative lectures, and again had the chance to get to know each other better. There are so many of us that even now, a week later, I still don’t know everyone. 

On Thursday we were given a tour around Oxford, including many of the beautiful colleges. Oxford University does not have a main campus; rather, it is spread throughout the town in multiple buildings and is made up of 38 colleges. Each student belongs to a specific college and it is that college that provides the library, dining hall, etc. for the student to make use of during their time there. (If that’s not really making sense, think of it like Hogwarts houses: One school, separated). 

On Thursday evening I went to an Evensong service at Christ Church College, which is well known for its Evensong services. It was my first time at an Anglican (Episcopalian in the US) service and it was a very refreshing and worshipful experience.  We were told in lecture that Gothic architecture, used in most of the colleges, cathedrals, etc. is designed to point the eye upward, toward the heavens, and in the case of Evensong it was amazing to see how the architecture contributed to the God-centeredness of the service.

Friday we took a tour of London and were able to see Westminster Abbey, Parliament, Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, St. James’ Park, and the Winston Churchill Memorial and War Rooms. It was a lot to take in (and a LOT of walking) but we had unusually beautiful weather and it was awe-inspiring to see such ancient and significant sights. During some of our free time a group of us stumbled upon the Sherlock Holmes Restaurant, which was an exciting and unexpected adventure. We also spent some time in Trafalgar Square and were able to wander for a while in the National Gallery where we saw works by such renowned artists as Monet and Van Gogh. I’m excited to go back to London to explore more of the museums and parks (and hopefully see some plays!)

In between all the lectures and sightseeing I’ve been able to spend time with other students in the program. The students in general are very friendly and I’m looking forward to getting to know them better over the next few months!  There are quite a few Christians I’ve gotten to know, and I’ve been so blessed by them already. 

Sunday morning I attended a church called St. Ebbe’s with some friends. It was a very welcoming and Christ-centered service, and I’m so excited to get involved there!  I will attend a student group meeting later this week – more on that in my next post!

Today, Monday, we were given a couple more lectures, as well as being introduced to the library system. Oxford University’s main library is the Bodleian Library – it’s amazing and beautiful and the second largest library in the UK. If you know me well, you know I’m incredibly excited to explore “the Bod.” I will also have access to my college library, so I will have no shortage of material.

I was also informed today that I have been accepted as a member of New College! Since the Oxford tour I’ve loved the look and feel of New College, just from the outside, and I can’t wait to see what experiences my membership will entail.

Having never been in any other culture before, I’m not sure how to gauge how much culture shock I’ve actually been experiencing. Obviously the food and customs are very different, but so far I’ve felt fairly comfortable and I think the local people are used to tourists because everyone I’ve talked to has been helpful and understanding. 
(So far the most recurring struggle is counting out change. Oi.)

This next week will feature more lectures and getting all my classes (called “tutorials”) figured out, meeting my tutors, being inducted into my college, and more.

I appreciate the prayers that I know have been lifted up on my behalf more than I can express. The Lord’s grace has been so evident through every step of this past week and I’m so excited to see how He continues to provide above what I could ask.

I think I’ll tack on a few prayer requests at the end of each post, so here’s the first batch:

*That my sleep pattern would regulate, so that I am well rested.

*That I would be intentional in how I relate to others, particularly in times of stress, so that Christ’s love would be evident through my words and actions.

*That I would remain focused on the goodness and faithfulness of the Lord in my first real non-Christian environment.  

*Homesickness hit me for the first time on Sunday. Everything has felt so surreal that it hasn’t fully sunk in that I’ll be here for so long; however, the time difference is proving to be the most homesickness-inducing factor, since I can’t always get in touch with my family when I want to because they’re sleeping or at work/school. So prayers that I would run to the Lord when I feel lonesome for loved ones would be so appreciated.

If you’ve made it all the way through, thank you for reading! If there’s any aspect of my experience so far that I didn’t touch on, leave me a comment or shoot me some sort of message (aside from texting) and I’d love to fill you in!

Cheers,

~Michelle

My favorite sweatshirts have this tendency to become worn out in the cuffs.
I have this tendency to hold on to things I love when I ought to have let them go a long time ago.

~January 18, 2014

Love Is My Refuge

Arms enfold me, shutting out the cold

I lose myself in the safety of that embrace

It destroys the darkness of my doubts

The dangers of the world are held at bay

Because here, I am untouchable

Here, no harm will come to me

These arms hold me for an eternity

Protect me while I catch my breath

They tighten around me as I cry

With every pain-ridden sob, they pull me closer

Trying to erase the fear, the regrets, the brokenness of my spirit

But eventually the tears abate

Eventually, my breathing slows

I’m ready to look up, peek out of my refuge

Out at the world again

But the first thing I see is the face

The face belongs to the arms that have held me close so protectively

 The face is that of Love

And Love reaches up to wipe the last few tears that traced their way down my cheeks, beneath my tired eyes

And Love gently takes my hands and pulls me up, so that I’m standing again

But my pain has made me weak, and I threaten to crumble

So Love grips my trembling hand, and keeps me standing

And Love smiles, whispering to my heart, ‘Fear not'

Because Love promises to never let go of me

Love will be there even when I try to pull away

Love will still be there the next time I break

And then Love will be there to hold me again

Love will give me the strength to face the world once again

Love will never leave me or forsake me

Past, Present, and Future

You don’t know when it happened.

You know something changed, but you can’t put your finger on what it is that’s no longer the same.

You know this isn't the way it used to be, but you don’t really remember what life looked like before.

The change snuck up on you.

And it caught you, and spun you around, and confused you.

But it didn't register at the time.

You didn't realize what had happened.

There was a delayed reaction.

So the change seemed gradual.

And then one afternoon, in the middle of a perfectly normal day, it hit you.

Suddenly nothing is the way it once was.

And you don’t know when it happened.

But now you’re here, in this chaotic world that reminds you of another life, your past life.

You know that this life is reminiscent of the past, but the past is some far-away world you can’t seem to see clearly.

Your past is a collage made up of memories and moments.

But your head is so muddled that you can’t bring them into focus.

Because when you look at your past, it doesn't seem real.

That collage confuses you.

And sometimes you can’t remember which part of it is real, and which part is only a leftover fragment of a long-forgotten dream.

It’s only when you look at it closely, like a child with their nose pressed up against the glass that shields some precious treasure, that you realize the significance of your past.

You see what was real, and what lingers on in your memory as a shadow of some abandoned fancy.

And the more you see your past for what it really is, the more you come to realize that it’s not so different from the present.

Change occurred.

Just like it always does.

Either it eased into your life without attracting attention, or it smacked you across the face and sent you reeling.

But even though change makes your past and your present seem miles distant, and worlds different, it is not always so.

Because the one thing your past and your present always have in common is you.

You change, slowly or suddenly.

But you are always you.

And even a glance at your past reveals who you were then.

And a good look at your present can show you who you are now.

The difference seen between your past and your present scares you.

You’re scared by how easily everything can change.

You’re scared by how easily you can change.

And so you look closely at that collage again, and you realize that it is the changes that confuse you, and make the whole of it seem blurry.

But then you step back, and let the big picture sink in.

And you realize that the change is what makes the collage – the picture of your past flowing into your present – so beautiful.

Your past was responsible for shaping your present, just as your present is responsible for shaping your future.

You will always change, but if you’re smart, you will never fully leave the past behind.

Your past was once your present, until something changed.

And your present will become your past, because change is always taking place.

And change may make the past feel unfamiliar, but you can’t be so afraid of it that you run away when it threatens to take place.

Because you can’t get to your future without change.

In spite of Fear...

It’s hard.

But that’s no reason to quit.

You’re afraid.

But you don’t become a quitter just because you’re afraid.

Fear is no reason to quit.

Fear is not honest.

Fear distorts reality.

Fear preys on weakness, makes it grow.

Fear only lives when doubt exists.

Fear turns doubt into despair.

Fear is deaf to hope.

Fear is blind to truth.

Fear does not admit the possibility of victory.

Fear foresees only failure.

Fear sees every reason to quit.

But Fear is a liar.

Fear sees only what it wishes to see.

Fear stifles the presence of Courage.

Fear takes the easy way out.

Fear is a coward, who does not want to fail.

And so Fear quits, so as to fail on its own terms.

Because Fear deceives itself, and does not see quitting as failing.

But in truth, quitting is the deepest form of failure.

Because quitting is failing even to try.

And in truth, failure is not to be feared.

It is better to fail than to quit.

Failure is a result of effort.

Effort takes Courage.

Courage tries in spite of Fear.

To quit is to deny yourself the chance to be brave.

Moments Worth Remembering...

Time is deceptive.
In all its length of passing, its dragging on and its illusion of infinity.
It seems to take so long to move forward.
The future seems to be so far away that it has become invisible to the eyes of our hoping hearts.
Time likes to make you think that the here and now will last forever.
That what is to come will come, but not before you've had to wait a lifetime for it.
But it's all a farce.
A charade.
We've made time into something it's not.
We've made it something we think we can control.
We hatch plans with a determined gleam in our eyes because we see the future as we think it ought to be.
We think we can plan ahead.
But then one day, we are ahead.
One day, today is actually yesterday.
And yesterday was really last year.
And time has gotten the better of us, with all our schemes and hopes for grandeur.
We look back on those days that seemed to never end, and we look through a window fogged with the passing of time.
The past is blurry.
The past feels surreal.
And we look back and wonder: was that really me? Was that really you? 
Did we really say and do and think and feel all those those words and actions and thoughts and feelings?
No. 
No, of course not.
We're too mature for all that.
Only we forget.
We forget what used to be.
Who we used to be.
Time changed us and pulled us along, and we didn't even realize it was moving forward.
Our plans are no longer the same.
Our dreams and hopes and even our fears have all shifted and changed shape.
And in the rush of today and the urgency of the present, we forget what used to be.
And we forget that someday, today will be just another yesterday.
But sometimes, you remember.
You pull that old t-shirt from the back of the drawer and remember what it was like to be fifteen again.
Or you find an old note in your madly-scribbled journal and you remember everything you were feeling when you were seventeen.
You remember how much of a dreamer you were.
You remember how simple life seemed to be.
And you remember the day that you realized how wrong you were about yourself. 
You remember the year that you started to understand what life is really like.
And the past is a blur, but some images stand out in sharp relief, cutting through the haze and resonating deep within your heart.
And though your heart may change, there are some moments it never forgets.
Time is made up of moments.
Some moments seem to last forever.
Some moments are over too fast.
And those moments that stand out in our minds, the memories of which can pierce our hearts and make them soar, are the moments that make the endless times worth wading through.
Those worthwhile moments pass quickly, so we should make as many of them as we can while we still have time.
Because we don't have as much time as we think we do.
Time is not something we can control.
We can't forget that today will soon be a yesterday. 
So what do we want the memory of today to be?
What moments are we making that will be worth remembering?

Is Love Worth It?

Letting yourself love is dangerous.

No matter what kind of love it is, the moment you let your heart be touched you are making yourself vulnerable to hurt.

To be open, to let yourself care for someone, is so so dangerous.

Because what will inevitably happen?

That person -- whom you loved -- will not always be there.

Some day, they won't be there with you, for you, anymore.

They may turn their back on you, betray the trust you placed in them when you decided to love them.

They may turn their back on you, because you did something -- something you will always regret -- and they can't trust you anymore.

They may just drift away, because you don't fit in their life anymore.

Or, they may just leave this earth, and there's nothing you can do to change the fact that you're left behind when they've gone.

Love is dangerous, because someday the one you've let yourself love will be gone.

But love is amazing, too.

It's such a beautiful thing, is love.

It makes you overlook wrongs.

It makes you care about someone besides yourself.

It makes you want what's best for someone even at cost to yourself.

It makes you realize that there's more to life than just you.

It makes you see the world differently. 

It makes you see yourself differently. 

It makes you be more than you could ever be by yourself because when you love someone, it's not all about you anymore. 

And that realization, that change in mindset, makes all the difference in the world.

It makes you whole because by yourself, you are wanting. 

Love is necessary, because it changes you.

And you need to be changed.

Letting yourself love is revolutionary.

But now, how to reconcile this? Love is both dangerous and necessary, both painful and beautiful. 

What then do you do? 

How to love wisely, that you are not hurt, and yet love fearlessly, that love will change your life?

I don't know the answer. 

I understand very little about how life works, and I'm not even near to comprehending the issue of love.

Love is frightening, I know that much.

Love is also the most wonderful thing to receive and to give, and I know this too.

And I know that Someone loves me so much He gave His All for me, though He knew I would hurt Him.

So maybe, this issue of love is a case in which you weigh the pros and cons. 

Maybe then, you decide that diving headlong is worth the risk of crashing and breaking. 

Maybe, the beauty of love is, in the end, worth the pain that comes with it.

Because just like love makes you grow, so does pain. 

Pain is not something to fear, but something to embrace.

Pain, like love, changes you.

If you let it change you for good, then yes...I think its worth it.

Just like loving is worth it.

Someone I know is near death.

I don't know him well, nor have I seen him often.

But he touched my heart.

I loved him, and I didn't realize it 'til now.

Because now, he's going to leave.

I'm probably not going to see him again this side of heaven.

And the thought of seeing him there is a beautiful picture to anticipate.

But because I love him, it hurts.

But I know that because I love him, I'm a different person.

He hardly knows me, doesn't remember me when he sees me, because he doesn't remember much at all.

So he doesn't love me...

But I love him.

And love makes all the difference.

"Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead." ~ Oscar Wilde

1 John 3:11 ~ For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another.